Dear Heart, Be Still

Tuesday, July 04, 2017

Postcard from the heart of Seoul

Hello Loves,

I hope this post finds you well...

Starting off this post I'd like to share a little thing that has be nudging my heart... Being a blogger and social media influencer or whatever the market calls you these days aren't easy. It's a job that requires a lot of dedication and unseen hard work to put up and keep up with what the market's demand and to not be obsolete. Therefore waking up each morning whether we realize it or not we're always on the go to create new content and finding inspirations to do something new which relentlessly wears us off. It's only something I started as a place to pour out my thoughts and sharing the things dearest to my heart about 10 months ago and without me realizing this blog has more than a 1000 readers monthly. When I first started I was just happy knowing that there were people out there reading my writings but now seeing the progress this blog has made nudge me.. Questions like "am I good enough?", "Are the things I share useful?", "Are my readers happy?", and so on... Going on to the point that it troubles me... like before I started it as something I love and without pressure just sharing the things I love but then it has grown into something big. Brands started noticing me and I'm thankful for every collaborations I've worked on so far.. But then those questions keep bugging me.

Now here's the thing we'll never know where life leads us, not even a second of it. We'll never know what will happen the next minute, day, months or year. My tiny courage 10 months back led me to a journey I never imagine I would walk in.. It's a path carved and well paved, there are lots of successful bloggers and influencers these days and I came in the right time said some of my friends who've been doing blogging longer then me. Everything started because of my passion and interest so it'll not be something I would want to stop cause looking back again my motivation wasn't the fame or the monetary aspect this field would bring me. It's my little tiny hope that I could be an inspiration for another, a positive light sharing positive vibes through my platform. I wanted to impact people, show them the wonderful blessings and wonders God has shown me. I may not be the most religious person or sinless soul, I know being human I have my own weaknesses, flaws and sin. These aspects made me taste the down side of every human being when being at their lowest. I have those days I feel worthless, bad, nasty and helpless. It's so easy to let those negativity cloud our mind these days because like it or not we're living in this world that has gone so bad that it can't even differentiate what's good and bad. I wanted my platform to come as a place people can relate to and share their queries too. It's still my motivation looking back that one day I could make this a successful platform which can bring joy, smile, and motivation to others.

Going on everyday and having my small community just make me smile knowing that these group of people understands. They share the same passion for things I love and therefore makes us sisters and brothers. Growing up I've been the sole child of my parents which makes a lot of people think that being the only child making me grow into a rusty and spoiled brat. To be honest, yes! there is that part of me in me. Cause being the only child and being the only center of attention for my family has shaped me into someone that is very concise about what other people think about me. Their point of view matters and that someone turned into something that makes me weak. I began losing who I really am, trying to fit in and adjust to everyone's expectation of me and I've always been a control freak. Trying to control every single thing I could, just to keep them organized. If you've known me since years back then you'll know which girl I'm talking about. But now she's grown into a lady that put no weigh on other people's perception on her. She just want a live a life that she's happy living in. No more fitting into people's expectations just to make other people happy but making herself feel miserable. A friend of mind told me that you should be brave to say things out loud if you're not happy with something, go confront but I still can't get the hang of that yet. I've always felt that confrontation would only hurt both parties and end up hurting everyone. I hated the idea of me hurting another person even though its just verbally. Why? because I've experienced the pain and hurt of being verbally abused and its not something enjoyable. Therefore I try my best to avoid cursing or saying hurtful things to people, yet there're times where I'll lose my emotion and let my anger run free but I will never ever or till now haven't did I ever spit out any curse or hurtful words to another party. I think I did a pretty good job tackling anger with silence cause I'm very good at being silent. One tip is whenever you feel angry stop, just stop whatever you're doing and fight it with silence. No matter if its people or anything you're mad at just try fighting it with silence. Eventually you'll learn to let go of a lot of things once you master this.

Relating to my title "Dear heart, be still" There are times when those questions bug me a lot that my heart starts to weary. I started to feel down and unmotivated but never did I ever thought of stopping because its something I love dearly. That's why I always run back home to the words of life "the bible" they soothe my tired and weary heart. Every time it just comforts me to know that I'm never alone and I'll never walk alone. Forever my Heavenly Father will walk along side with me and all I had to do is be still! Now I've also learnt to surrender all to God and let Him take over... He has shown me lots of wonders and blessings in ways I never thought of and now its time to me to show this world that I live to be a blessing for others.

Before along time ago I was taught to be selfish, its a trait that I can't defy in me cause being the only child I'll definitely grow with this trait. That I should keep everything I know to myself cause I've been taught a zillion times by people that people are just manipulative and they take advantage of you and will throw you away whenever they're done with you. I've learnt it by hard that those human qualities no longer surprise me. It no longer surprise me when people who said will stay, left... However I have the choice now to be resentful and hateful all my life or not. Living a bitter life or just let it go and move on. I no longer feel a thing actually for those kind of things, maybe its just experience has taught me to grow up so much that I feel numb. Now I decided that instead of being as bad as the rest why not be something new. Be different, be kind, be overflowing with joy, be you! Even though I know that people might backstab or hurt me now I'm willing to take the risk and fall because I know no matter how many times I fall I'll always rise again stronger. I'll continue to share the things I know and love to others and see everyone grow together, even when everyone else may feel its a foolish act but I'm willing to open up and share my stories and experience just to help those who may experience the same thing as mine.

So for those who've been sending in your messages saying you feel motivated and positive through my post. You guys never know how much it meant to me, every single soul is precious and everyone is worth it. You guys keep me going and its also a reminder that life can be sweet when shared with people that appreciates, supports and loves you. Everyone has the right to feel loved and encouraged! No one should ever make you feel less about yourself, not even the tiniest bit because the truth is, who are we to judge? to make the call? We're all sinners after all, try your best to live right but you'll always be wrong... So anyone reading this right now and feel down, unsure and weary. Look up, smile and know that you're blessed with so many talents that maybe you don't know yet but you are precious in the eye of the creator! Never lose hope or faith...

Let me share something I read down below it may be useful for you...